What every parent needs to know about their teen’s mental health

I’ve been working with teens for most of my career and I deal with concerned parents all the time.  In this blog post, I will reveal the answers to the most asked questions about your teen’s mental health.

If you are a parent there are pretty good chances that at some point you have wondered about your child’s mental health.  Let's start with a definition: mental health is a state of emotional and psychological well-being.  It affects all aspects of a person’s life, how they feel, think, behave, and feel in their body.

If you worry about your teen’s mental state, it is very important not to ignore the issue or to dismiss it as something that will resolve naturally or on its own.

What to look out for

Often teens will struggle in secret for a long time before some of the more obvious signs start to show.  Parents who want to have a good pulse on their teen’s mental state make time to check in with them on a regular basis.  Ask your child how they are doing, and observe changes in their behavior, attitude, and mood. Teens will rarely come out and say they are struggling, but if you are observant you can pick up on saddle cues.  Parents want to watch out for changes in activities, such as loss of interest in previously enjoyed activities, becoming isolated or withdrawn, and changes in routine and social interactions.

My teen says they are fine.

Parents often tell me “I can see my child is struggling, but when I ask them about it, they say they are fine.”  This is a very common situation. Teens need to feel trust before they can open up.  They need to know that they can trust you with their feelings.  One thing I see a lot with my teen clients is that they don’t share with their parents out of fear of their reaction.  They tell me that parents either yell, cry, lecture, or overreact.  As a parent, it is important to keep your own cool when teens are sharing things that are concerning, while at the same time communicating to them that you understand and support them.

Parents should also educate themselves about mental health issues in order to better understand what their teen may be going through. By doing so, they can provide appropriate support and resources. Seeking professional help from therapists or counselors can also be beneficial in addressing these challenges.

How to build trust

Trust plays a vital role in addressing mental health concerns among teenagers. Building trust with parents or caregivers is essential to create an environment where open communication can flourish. Parental support is crucial for teens to feel safe and comfortable discussing their feelings and seeking help when needed.

According to researcher Brené Brown “trust is built in very small moments” through consistency and reliability. Bellow are just few ways you can build trust with your teen.

Show up

Trust is not established through grand gestures, rather than through small daily interactions that mean something to the other person. Parents, show up for your kids’ activities. Include your kids in everyday activities, such as cooking, shopping, running errands, and leisure, remember their friend's names, or the latest fixation your teen is into.  Teens won’t always tell you what’s happening with them immediately. Being a constant presence in their lives will build a foundation of trust and accessibility. Avoid going to extremes.  There is a balance between being available and hovering.

Check-in

Checking in with your teen means taking time to talk to your child about what’s going on in their lives.  Even more so, listen.  Parents should actively listen to their teen's concerns without judgment or interruption. Avoid falling into the all too familiar parenting trap of giving advice, lecturing, or correcting.  Work on listening to understand their inner world, and validate their feelings, no matter how insignificant things may seem to you.  Remember, it all feels big and overwhelming to your child.  By validating their experiences and emotions, parents can foster an atmosphere of understanding and empathy. Dismissing your teen's experiences as insignificant can damage your relationship with them and further exasperate the state of their mental health.

Helping teens cope

Encouraging healthy coping mechanisms such as exercise, hobbies, or engaging in activities they enjoy can play a significant role in improving mental well-being. Additionally, fostering connections with friends or support groups can help combat feelings of isolation.

While eating a balanced diet and exercising can certainly be helpful for mental health, I think it is often misguided in our wellness-focused culture.  Instead of nagging your teen about their diet and lack of activity, lead by example.  Family-style meals, where the family is eating and spending time together are more important than what your teen actually eats.  Likewise going on a hike or having a house dance party with friends will do more good for mental health than forcing them into a gym. There are many more factors that affect physical health outside of diet and exercise such as quantity and quality of sleep, stress level, social interactions, and self-esteem.

What are some signs that a teen may need additional help?

Your teen may need help from a professional If your child is shut off, won’t talk, and isolates in their room.  If their level of functioning is affected, meaning are they struggling with academics or school attendance, if there are concerns for their safety.  And of course, if a teen expressed interest or requested assistance such as counseling.

Important things to know

It is important to remember that teens sometimes take a long time to express their needs, so it is very important to take their requests seriously and get them the support they need as soon as possible.  This not only improves the outcomes, it will also communicate to your teen that they matter and their wellbeing is important to you.